


Curiosity (Didn't) Kill the Cat

by WolffyLuna



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Heist, Meet-Cute, Pre-Canon, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 16:04:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9827897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolffyLuna/pseuds/WolffyLuna
Summary: aka How Carey joined a secretive world-saving society and met her future girlfriend.A seeker finds something. Carey takes two jobs. Boyland is an idiot.





	

Carey nearly didn’t hear her walk up over the rumble of conversation and slamming of the kitchen door. Nearly. It paid to have good ears at the Rose and Crown. “You looking for something?”

“I was told to find Carey Fangbattle.” She was small even for a gnome, wearing a undyed cotton underdress, and a black apron edged with pink and indigo weaving. Her eyes flicked from side to side, nervously. An open topped bag hung at her side, filled with books. She had the air of a wizard trying to look normal, and not completely succeeding. (The bracer with a rune on it certainly didn’t help.)

“Well, you’ve found her. What can I do for ya?”

“First, I should give you this.” She rummaged in her pack, and pulled out a piece of paper.

Carey took it. The message was in thieve’s cant, and had the heavy hand of the guild secretary. ‘This person has a dangerous job. The Thieves Guild thought you might be interested,’ was the rough translation. “You understand what this says?”

“No. They--” she whispered the ‘they’ sotto voce “said it would prove I was sent... officially.”

“I wouldn’t exactly describe the Thieves’ Guild as being official.”

The gnome flinched, and her eyes flicked faster.

Carey had to try and stifle a laugh. It wasn’t good form to scare your clients, even if it was fun. “Relax, this place is pretty Guild friendly.” Carey shouted over her shoulder, towards the bar “Isn’t that right, Marsha?”

The barmaid shouted back “As long as you pay your tab!” There was a low rumble of laughter around the pub at the old joke.

“So, what’s your name and what’s your job?” Carey asked.

“I’m Gail Whitebrook, and I’d guess you’d say I’m a travelling researcher of sorts.”

Carey pointed at the piece of paper.

“Oh, right, that sort of job.” She cleared her throat. “There’s good evidence that there’s a powerful magical artifact near this town. Extremely powerful. I’ve been looking forward to researching it--”

“And having it, I’m guessing.”

Gail didn’t skip a beat. “--for awhile. I am reasonably certain that the previous owner has hidden it well, and trapped the area around beyond what I could counter. Additionally, I am _actually_ certain that there are people on my tail that also want this artifact, and will kill to prevent me from having it.”

“Good thing I’m good at trapfinding and bodyguarding. Well, and other rogue stuff. Rogue stuff generally.”

“Now I’ll admit I don’t have a lot of gold on me for a downpayment, I’ll have more once I have the artifact, but I do have a magic item you may be interested in.”

Carey was generally not a fan of being paid in things other than gold. You couldn’t turn them into food half as easily, and they were a much more traceable. And what was she going to do with half the stuff people offered her anyway? (Someone once asked her to steal something for the exposure. The lack of usefulness of that flew over the client’s head.) But magic items were still pretty easy to turn into food if you knew the right fence. Plus, there was a niggling bit of her that had always wanted one. Most of the ones she’d ever held, she’d had to give to her client, and it was always hard parting with them. They were so cool! 

Maybe it was her dragon heritage. Maybe magic items were just _totally rad_.

“Can I see?”

“Certainly.” Gail slid a ring across the table at her. The band was plain and brassy, with a single tiger eye gem inside it. The gem iridesced and glinted in the light, almost like the gem was glancing around the room. It buzzed gently, not physically, but with that little something magic things had.

“Put it on, it’s yours now.”

Carey slipped it over a finger. Carefully, though. She’d heard enough tales of adventurers undone by seemingly harmless items. As she did, something about her perspective changed. She had another eye, seeing in black and white, staring up at her jaw. She moved her hand, and the eye’s perspective moved too, looking up at the ceiling now.

Gail grinned at her reaction. “Tiger’s Eye Ring. Now, it’s not so useful on your hand, but once it’s yours, you can put it anywhere you like and see out of it.”

Carey took it off and placed it on the table, facing Gail. She still saw out it. It felt odd, but she could get used to it, especially considering how useful this could be.

“And if you’d like it more than gold, there’s more where that came from at the end of the job.”

***

Carey found Gail at the East Gate the next day. She read a notebook, while holding to pack mules’ reins the in the other hand.

It was probably just a spell book, and not any of Carey’s business, but-- She was a rogue. Sticking her nose is other people’s business was her job (along with stealing their shit.) She snuck towards her. Not in a creeping along the ground, flattening herself to walls kind of way, that would have drawn attention. She followed the flow of traffic, and gently veered off the path, pretending she was walking toward the guardpost and that she was definitely not Carey Fangbattle.

Gail didn’t even look up from her book as Carey walked behind her. Carey peaked over Gail’s shoulder.

It probably wasn’t a spellbook. Spell books had _text_. This had shifting black blocks dancing over the page. Carey tried to look at it, even if she couldn’t read it, but her eyes kept sliding off against her will. Even after that little peek they felt strained and dry.

Carey snuck back to the road, then walked to Gail from the front. She looked up this time. “Are you ready?”

“Just one thing, which mule will be at the back?” Carey asked.

Gail raised an eyebrow. “The bay one.” 

Carey walked to it’s hind end, running her hand along it’s side as she did so she didn’t startle it. Getting kicked by a mule was not a good way to start your day.

She took the ring off, and being careful to avoid obscuring the gem with hair, tied it to the mule’s tail.

“I hadn’t thought of that,” Gail said, finally closing the notebook.

“And that’s why you hired me.” 

***

The path through the forest was narrow and full of exposed roots, more game track than road. Gail walked at the front, occasionally checking a map in her notebook. (Carey could tell it was map. It didn’t have the shifting blocks of the other pages, except for one small corner obscured by them.)

Carey stayed at the side, leading the trailing mule.

Something moved behind them. Carey saw it through the ring, a flash of a figure and embers. No, two figures, bashing their way through the trees.

Carey shoved Gail off the path into the underbrush.

Gail tried to protest, but Carey covered her mouth. “Quiet.”

The figures came closer. Carey busied herself, trying to look like she’d dropped something.

“Hey Miss!” One of the figures yelled.

Carey turned around. “Hello?”

The speaker was dwarf, more craggy and soot-stained than most. Ash and what looked alarmingly like grease flecked his beard. He smoked a cigar. Which at least answered the questions of where the embers came from, but raised the questions of why he thought smoking in a forest was a good idea.

His companion overall looked neater, and less like the sort of idiot who’d smoke in a forest. Mostly because she wasn’t smoking, honestly. She was tall, though probably average by orc standards, but built like brick shithouse, even by orc standards. She looked like she could pick up a brick shithouse and throw it across a field. A massive crossbow hung on her back. 

If Carey had to describe her in one word from this first impression, it would be ‘warrior.’ There was a violent edge to her, but a controlled one, one kept sheathed like sword, waiting for the right moment. She looked like she could kill you, but wasn’t planning to right now. It was... striking. 

That was the point Carey realised either her heart or her groin had taken the wheel, and wrested it back. Neither of those parts of her were overly good at decision making. Right now, good decision making was probably necessary, especially if they were the rivals Gail had been talking about. 

“We’re looking for a friend,” the orc said. “A gnome, about yay high--” She gestured to her knees, “looks like a wizard.”

The dwarf pointed to his arm. “She wears a bracer like this.” It was the spit of Gail’s bracer, with the same rune and everything, though sized for a dwarf instead of a gnome.

“Yeah, I’ve seen her,” Carey said. Gail hissed in the shrubbery, but Carey covered it with her talking. “The bracer is pretty distinctive. She was talking to someone in the Royal Oak last night.”

The orc crossed her arms and looked incredulous. “You seen her after that?”

Carey shrugged. “Not that I know of.” 

“Well, thank you for your time, miss,” the dwarf said, before leading the orc away.

They whispered to each other as they walked off. Carey strained to hear it.

“She’s dressed like a rogue,” the orc said.

“Rogues’ don’t have a dress code.”

“Yeah, but still--”

“What she said matches what we heard.”

The orc shut up.

Gail crawled her way out of the bushes. “What possessed you to tell the truth?”

“I remember lying quite a lot then.”

“You said you saw me, in a pub, last night. That’s true.”

“And that’s what made it believable. Anyway,” Carey started counting on her fingers, “We were in the Rose, not the Oak last night, you talked to me instead of talking to someone else, and I did see you this morning.”

“You could have just said you hadn’t seen me.”

“And then they might still be looking around for you here. They think you’re in the forest, right? That’s why they’re in it. I tell them I saw you in town, there’s a chance they believe me and double back, giving us a head start. Or maybe they don’t, and keep looking. But if I said I hadn’t seen you, well, they’re going to keep looking where you think they are, right?”

“They might have doubled back anyway.” Gail didn’t sound like she believed herself.

Carey offered a hand to help her stand up. “Come on, let’s make the most of this head start.”

***

The rest of their travel was uneventful, much more than Carey expected. People generally didn’t exaggerate the danger when they were trying to hire someone. Kinda made it harder to find someone, and more expensive when you did.

They were no traps, except from the odd hunting snare. Which wasn’t surprising. Like, who traps a forest? Poachers, not guardians of mystical artifacts. 

She didn’t disarm the snares. That would have been both pointless and rude.

Something moved behind her, in the view of the Tiger’s Eye. A humanoid figure, a large one. An orc. She turned around, and the figure had gone. 

***

The figure showed up three more times. 

***

A massive redwood tree towered above them. It was at least as big as some Goldcliff skyscrapers, both in height and girth. A massive entrance, about three Careys high and four wide, was gouged out of the base. A staircase spiralled up the innards.

By all rights, with all the cutting and carving, it should have been dead. Green leaves still grew, however.

“This is where we part ways,” Gail said, hobbling the mules.

Carey untied the ring from the mule’s tail. “What, no! You don’t fire your rogue at the beginning of a dungeon.”

“That’s not a dungeon.”

“It’s a large--” Carey counted off each trait on her fingers “--possibly magical structure, which has a magical artifact at the end of it, and multiple adventurers trying to go in. Even if it ain’t underground, it’s pretty much definitionally a dungeon.”

“You’ve got me where I need to get.”

“I got you through a safe forest you knew the route of.” Okay, maybe the others following them made the forest unsafe, but still. “You hired me to take you to the artifact, and that’s what I’m doing.”

“Look, here’s my concern: how can I be sure you won’t steal it from me?”

“I get it, I’m a rogue, but a rogue who steals from their clients doesn’t get work again. Plus, I’m a rogue who likes to eat and live places. Unless this is the _most magical thing in the world_ , it’s not going to be worth my job.”

“Trust me, it pretty much is the most magical thing. Which is why I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Now.”

“Provided I get fair compensation for my work, I wouldn’t take something that powerful--”

“Confident, I see.”

“Don’t interrupt. I don’t like leaving until I’ve seen things through to the end. Feels like leaving a play during intermission.”

“You want to fulfil your curiosity.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

“Curiosity killed the cat--”

It was Carey’s turn to interrupt. “Good thing I’m a dragon born, then. Okay, how about I make a more, how to put it, convincing way. I can come with you, or I can go find our stalkers and go tell them exactly where you are.”

“Are you threatening me? Blackmailing me?”

“Yes. That’s the danger of hiring a rogue. Now, which option do you like best?”

“If you dare lay a finger on that artefact--”

“Yeah, yeah, then I’ll be starving in the streets if I haven’t been killed by an angry wizard with a powerful artifact first. Am I coming with or not?”

Gail gave her a sour look. “Fine.”

***

Their ascent involved a lot of crawling around on all fours.

Correction: it involved a lot of crawling around for Carey. Gail stayed upright behind her.

Carey nudged her telescoping eleven foot pole forward. Something clicked as the pole touch, and gust of icy air, with snowflakes sharp as throwing knives burst out. Carey tapped the pressure plate again. Nothing.

“It’s a cycle,” Carey said. “Frost, fire, lightning, back to frost again.”

“Hmm, that’s not what I would have expected here. It implies that this artefact has different powers than I thought.”

“Good different, or bad different.”

Gail stopped to think a moment. “Good.”

Below them, something made a noise. It sounded like talking.

Carey held a finger to her lips and put her ear to the stairs.

“They’re ahead of us.” The voice sounded like the orc woman. “It explains why all the traps are disarmed, why things keep shooting out above us, even the noises.”

The next voice sounded like the dwarf. “All the more reason to get a scootch on and stop arguing.”

“I can get you up there quicker.”

“And beat them one vs two? Nah, not going to happen.”

“If you surprise em--”

The voices stopped for a moment before the dwarf spoke again. “Fine.”

Nothing happened for two moments.

That’s when the dwarf shot up from the hole in the middle of the spiral and grabbed onto Carey’s stair.

Carey sprang up and stamped on the dwarf’s hands.

He hissed, but still gripped on.

Gail kicked him in the head. It was a dainty kick, and he seemed unaffected.

Carey grabbed a dagger and stabbed his palm in between the bones. The dagger didn’t pierce into the stairs, but still stood upright in his hand.

He took his other hand off the stairs to pull the knife out. The stabbed hands grip weakened, and there was a look of dawning horror as he realised how stupid he’d been.

He fell off the stairs.

There was muffled “Fuck!” from the orc woman, and the sound of someone frantically waving something. (It sounded... feathery?)

Carey threw a smoke bomb down, angling it towards the sound of the orc’s voice. “Have this!”

“Don’t you mean ‘take that’?” Gail asked.

“Well, I’m giving them something, so no.”

They rushed up the stairs, Carey scooting the pole in front as they ran. Even with the distractions, they had to assume the other two were hot on their heels. They needed to get to the artifact first, and if they had to be less careful, they were gonna be less careful. Each trap so far had only one charge, so they could probably afford it. .

“We’re close,” Gail said, running out of breath. “I can see the top of the tree.”

The spiral widened. Carey looked down. The orc and the dwarf were just two loops below them. She didn’t know how, probably some sort of haste spell, but they were nearly caught up.

“Uh, company is getting very close as well,” Carey said.

With a final turn of speed, they sprinted the rest of the way up.

The top of the tree was anti-climactic. The staircase stopped on a wide branch, that had a flat wedge cut out of it to make a floor. The branches and leaves above made a makeshift roof. It was generally fairly plain. Carey didn’t know what else she expected, this fit what the rest of the tree looked like, but still. There should have been a big greebly monster, or at least a prettier room.

Gail got on her hands and knees. “It has to be here, it to be here--” A panel slid up and out of the floor, revealing a cubic compartment.

Carey peered over Gail’s shoulder to get better look. It was just a belt. A leather strap with holes in it, and a buckle. The buckle was the oddest part of it: it was circular with elemental designs on it, and it looked like you might be able to spin it. She didn’t have much of an eye for magic items, but she didn’t expect a powerful artifact. Like the room it was in, it seemed lacking. Diamonds and rubies should have encrusted it, and it should have glowed with an holy and or unholy nimbus.

But it was just a plain belt, with a plain strap, and a kinda fancy buckle.

Gail took it out of the box and put it on.

Nothing happened. At all. It was even more anticlimactic than it looked.

Gail stood up. “I’d always heard these things intuitive, then again, when have we actually found one?” She seemed... off, as she talked. Out of character Like someone who assumed that magical artifacts were meant to change you if you used them.

“Who’s ‘we’?” Carey asked.

Gail didn’t pay any attention. “You’re one of the few people who have ever seen this. Or at least one of the few that know they have. The thing that I have been searching for for years: the G̼̰͔̲ą̯̪͚͍̭̼̲́į̙̥͇͕̜̤a̡͕̜̬̜̠̥̠̯̯̕͟ ̸̱̭̟S̢̹̰̫͖̬̕͘a̴̜̦͠s̜̬͘h̨̢̪̲̭.”

The last words were swallowed up by an unintelligible hiss of static. “What are you talking about? What you said doesn’t mean anything.”

Gail looked at her. Her eyes burned. “Well, you’ve seen it. Has that satisfied your curiosity? Unfortunately, you know how the saying goes. ‘Curiosity killed the cat.’”

Carey backed away towards the stairs.

“Nuh-uh.” She waggled her finger towards her, and Carey took a tentative step forward. “This is why I wanted to leave you behind, I don’t want to kill you. But I have to. Otherwise you’d take it.”

“No, I won’t, I swear, thief's honour, I’ll just go and you can have it--”

“Everyone tries to take it. It’s what it does. Do you know how powerful the G̼̰͔̲ą̯̪͚͍̭̼̲́į̙̥͇͕̜̤a̡͕̜̬̜̠̥̠̯̯̕͟ ̸̱̭̟S̢̹̰̫͖̬̕͘a̴̜̦͠s̜̬͘h̨̢̪̲̭ is? This has ended the world before.”

Carey swallowed thickly. “I’m pretty sure the world is still around.”

“That’s what you think.” Gail started pacing. “Even if you don’t want it now, you will. It’ll gnaw at you, until you just can’t help yourself. Then you’ll take it, and because you don’t know what you’re doing, the world will end again. Someone responsible has to take it.”

“Like the person threatening an innocent because they saw a belt?”

“It’s the responsible thing in this case. Anyway, you’re a rogue and an adventurer, you don’t really count as an innocent.”

Carey’s hands crept towards her daggers. If Gail stayed distracted, she might get a chance before she noticed--

Gail stopped pacing and stared Carey dead in the eye. “Come on now, hold still. It’ll be a lot quicker that way.”

Gail held her arms out. Nothing happened. She did it again, then stomped about, jumped up and down, waved her arms about. Still, nothing happened.

“Guess it really is unintuitive. I’ll do it without it then.” Gail pulled out her wand, and before Carey could react, a gust of wind burst out from its tip.

Carey went flying and sailed off the edge of the platform, into the branches. She flailed, trying to grip onto something, anything, to stop her from falling right off the tree.

She slammed face first into a branch, and managed to grab a hold of it.

Gail was obscured by the foliage. She kept pacing and waving her arms. The belt didn’t respond.

Carey hung from the branch. She kicked the air, trying to find a foothold. There was none. The branch dipped and swayed from her weight.

She didn’t look down. The foliage probably hid the ground, but even then, she didn’t want to risk it. She didn’t want to know how far up she was.

She stopped struggling for a foothold, and kept still. She could probably swing the rest of herself up onto the branch (if not, she was stuck here until her arms gave out) but she couldn’t do it quietly. Gail really didn’t need to know she hadn’t fallen.

The orc woman barged onto the platform, followed by a worse-for-wear dwarf with what looked like a bandaged hand. “Gail Whitebrook, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“I know we don’t hire regulators for their brains, but what does it look like? Ah yes, it looks like I’m playing bridge with my Sunday night bridge buddies.

The orc lifted her crossbow from her back, aiming at Gail. “I was hoping the answer would something other than ‘trying to use a relic.’”

“Quick question:” the dwarf said. “Why isn’t this tree moving? Or attacking the nearest town?”

Carey swung her feet onto the branch, using the conversation to cover the noise. The branch wobbled and whipped about. She gripped on tighter. It didn’t seem to be about to break, at least.

“You think the arcane secrets of the most powerful artifacts in the world are easy to work out?” Gail held both arms to one side, then the other. “I’ve nearly got it, and when I have, you’ll see that this for the best, that this will save the world. If you’re still alive, of course.”

“Uh, no, I don’t think so,” said the orc.

“You don’t think we’ll be alive?” said the dwarf.

“You know what I mean.”

Gail’s fingers wiggled behind her back, casting a spell.

The orc’s crossbow was too big to be move by Mage Hand, by a fair whack. The bolts, however? They were a little on the large for the spell, but it was easier enough for Gail to pick up individual ones and scatter them across the floor.

The orc knelt down to grab a bolt before they all rolled out of her reach and off the tree.

Gail ended Mage Hand, and started casting in the direction of the dwarf.

Killing your client was generally considered bad form, and Carey didn’t give much of a damn about the orc and the dwarf. But if they died, well, there was no way she could get past Gail and down the tree safely. Plus, attempting to kill your freelancer probably counted as a breach of contract, and as a general rule you should get rid of anyone with magical artifact ranting about ultimate power.

Carey waited till the branch swung closest to the tree and catapulted herself off. She sprinted towards Gail, daggers out.

Rogue pro tip: don’t scream ‘SNEAK ATTACK’ before you go and do that.

Carey didn’t.

Second rogue pro tip: Wordless screaming isn’t a whole lot better.

Thankfully, the casting distracted Gail. She turned just before Carey stabbed her above her collar bones.

Her flesh resisted, in a way that felt wrong and gross as it went up the handles.

Something went into Carey’s leg. It felt like an impact, before it felt like pain. She looked down.

A bolt, big as a spear, went straight through Gail’s midsection and into her leg. The orc stared at the hole in Gail, crossbow still up.

Her eyes weren’t wild, but there was hard edge. Tightly controlled, but still there. Not the look of a killer, but the look a someone who knew exactly what she did and why she had to do it

It was dead sexy, and Carey knew that had to be the blood loss talking (despite how little blood had left her the time), because who thought that about the person who’d just (by accident, hopefully) shot them? 

Gail’s body toppled, and Carey toppled with her.

The dwarf, who hadn’t yet drawn his axe, looked at Carey’s wound. “I guess that’d count as payback.”

“Only if you’d done it,” said the orc. “Now, how are we going to deal with this whole... belt situation. We can’t just pick it up.”

“Yeah, sure we can.” The dwarf went and did just that.

“What the fuck, Boyland!” The orc swung her crossbow around, but kept it aimed at Boyland’s feet.

“Boyland? That’s you like, actual name?” Carey asked. They ignored her.

“It’s not a relic, see?” He threw the belt at her.

The orc woman flicked it off like it was a spider, and the looked down at it. “Guess you’re right.”

“What’s your name? Girlland?” 

“It’s Killian. You working for her?”

Carey nodded.

“You know what she was looking for?”

“A magical artifact.” Carey flicked her head in the direction of the belt.

“Know what it’s called?”

“The kksshhhhksshhrrkks?”

“No, but close enough.” Killian turned to Boyland. “This going to be a fun report to make.”

Carey looked at her belt, mostly because Killian was too tall and she was too on the floor to look at her eyeline. A feather duster hung on it. It looked a little odd, partially because Killian didn’t look like the sort to carry a feather duster in case she found somewhere that really needed dusting. There was also the secondary question of how the hell Boyland survived his fall.

“Okay, my turn to ask invasive questions: is that a magic feather duster?”

“No,” Killian said, deadpan. “It is the most ordinary feather duster in the world, which I have for dusting and only dusting. It certainly doesn’t have feather fall.”

“Where’d you get it?”

Killian ignored her, but Boyland piped up. “Her employer sort-of-kind-of-not-technically paid her with it.”

Carey could claim that what she was about to do was to try and make up for the fact Gail never paid her before dying, and she had no clue where Gail kept her stuff. In the future, she could claim she did it because she really just wanted to save the world. Honestly? She was curious. About why there were words she couldn’t hear or read, or what the fuck Gail had gotten them into, and did Killian like girls? Curiosity, so far, hadn’t managed to kill the dragonborn.

“Is your employer hiring?”

**Author's Note:**

> This was for the Sunday prompt of tazladyweek: "Finale"


End file.
